You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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