Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
