guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
