I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
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Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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