Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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