coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
