Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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