home. puking in laundry basket.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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