too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
