your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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