he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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