she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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