Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
