She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
