You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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