Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
