this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
