im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
