hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
