this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
