it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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