I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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