he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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