Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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