The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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