Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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