That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
