id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
