So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
