It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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