its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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