He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
