she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
