Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize