the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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