p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
