It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
