My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
