yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
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