It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
