Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
