so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
