You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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