Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
