im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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