I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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