Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
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She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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