How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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