Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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