I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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