she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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