You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
