my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just found puke in my bra..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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