I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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