just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
