Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
