the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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