we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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