hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
