The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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