I didn't shave. On purpose
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
