Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
