I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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