im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am one with the molecules
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
