so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
