He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
