yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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